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Has I ever face writing seriously throughout my whole life?

I do not think so. All these while, I whined that my dream to become a writer was crushed by my own mother, who objected to my goal to become a novelist.

Now that I am older and ‘wiser’, I spent more time reading about writers and I realized that I have been fooling myself. I said I am passionate about writing but I stopped for months and even years when I could not write the way I want it to be.

Have I ever tried to change?

Indeed, I did try to change. I have take up on writing a few times at different instances but it was not consistent. I stopped before I could see its fruits. I gave up with my own will. I blamed on my surroundings and blinded my heart on what I really wanted to do.

I envy people who have the consistency to write and even publish their works. I dream of publishing my works. Before I could realize that, I must change myself. I must write.

I have read in many sources, the secret to a successful writing is to continue writing, that it is fine if I could not write the way I wanted, but I should never stop writing. I should finish it and polish it all again. These process of writing is tedious and I am certainly not the kind of person who has the patience to do it but for how long will I stay the same person who dreams and continue daydreaming?

I want to change. I want to do something with my life. Even if I do not publish my works, I want to see my imagination in words and in papers. I want to see it physically. I want to hold it in my hand. I want to feel the satisfaction of finishing a work, even if it is not as perfect as I had wanted it to be.

Ambitious…

That is the one word that can describes me best. I am very ambitious and I have many ambition. I tried different kind of things, mostly around arts. I tried dancing, drawing, colouring, and writing. I tried singing but failed ultimately. I tried to translate songs and blogs but it stopped midway.

I told myself, I do not have time to finish them. It is not weird that I actually stopped doing them altogether. However, to be honest with myself, I naturally do not have enough time to pursue these seriously because I have been doing them all at the same time.

I was too ambitious. I hold many things in my hand and I ended up losing control of all of them and left with nothing.

I plan but I do not take action. How will I change? How long will it take for me to change?

I want to find out. I hope this is my new beginning.

아무것도 없던 나

 

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